


Did I Say that I Need You (If I Didn't I'm a Fool)

by roosterbox



Series: Stay With Me [1]
Category: X-Men - All Media Types, X-Men: First Class (2011) - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Dreams, Erik has Feelings, Erik is not a Happy Bunny, M/M, My First Work in This Fandom, Past Character Death, Romance, Tragic Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-22
Updated: 2014-09-22
Packaged: 2018-02-18 09:12:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 980
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2343041
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/roosterbox/pseuds/roosterbox
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>"My power is strong enough to stop a hundred missiles, but not a single bullet from taking what is most precious to me</i>, Erik often thinks bitterly.  No one knows this more than him.  No one feels the loss as deeply each day as he does.  So he ignores Alex’s unconcealed scorn.  Sean and the others no doubt feel similarly, but are far too polite to say.  Or maybe they fear him.  Erik can’t blame them either way."</p><p>What if Charles never made it off the beach that day?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Did I Say that I Need You (If I Didn't I'm a Fool)

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by [this](http://roosterbox.tumblr.com/post/95785674569/black-betty-ohhhhhhh-shit-erik-are-you) and, maybe a little bit, by [this](http://roosterbox.tumblr.com/post/96279478719/katiaswift-stolen-images-by-pakhnokh).

Erik is a constant presence around the mansion.  Even if he is more like a ghost.  He drifts.  In and around.

These days, as ever, Alex can’t hide his dark glare when Erik breezes past.  And Erik pretends not to notice.  But he does.  How could he not?  After all, it’s his fault that Charles…

The gaping hole inside his chest throbs.  Once, he might have thought it had been repaired.

            _Alles ist gut._

But now his mother’s face and Charles’ both sing to him from the depths of it.

            _My friend.  I’m sorry, but we do not._

 _My power is strong enough to stop a hundred missiles, but not a single bullet from taking what is most precious to me_ , Erik often thinks bitterly.  No one knows this more than him.  No one feels the loss as deeply each day as he does.  So he ignores Alex’s unconcealed scorn.  Sean and the others no doubt feel similarly, but are far too polite to say.  Or maybe they fear him.  Erik can’t blame them either way.

When he’s not shifting rootlessly from room to room, or asleep in the bed he and Charles once shared, Erik is out on the grounds.  Far away from the hustle and bustle of school life.  There’s a field a short distance away from the mansion.  Once, he had lain in it with Charles, kissing those beloved lips and making love until dawn.  Now he can only sit nearby and gaze at the flowers.  Hank, bless his heart, brings him food every day.  Sometimes he eats.  Sometimes he does not.  But Hank still dutifully provides it.  The boy (no, he’s a man now, with a man’s responsibilities; Erik can only ever think of Hank and his peers as ‘the children’) is probably the only person to whom Erik would be willing to open up.  Running The Charles Xavier Memorial School for Gifted Youngsters takes up most of his time, however.

Today is like any other day.  Erik sits near the field.  A glass of water (Not tea.  Never tea.) and a plate with a small sandwich on it resting beside him.  Erik has no intention of consuming them.

            _Alles ist gut._

            _My friend._

Movement.  His eyes narrow.  If one of the children had…

A familiar face emerges from the flowers.  Same impossibly blue eyes.  Same windswept hair.  And as he watches, those well-known lips curl up into a smile.

“Ch-Charles,” Erik chokes out.  He rises shakily to his feet.

The vision, an impossible vision, holds out a hand.

Erik takes it.

He immediately pulls the smaller man into a fierce embrace.  They fit together perfectly, the way they always had.  _Is this some dream?  Or has my mind finally snapped?_  Erik thinks wildly.  It feels so real – Charles’ breath on his neck, his hands rubbing soothing circles on Erik’s back, that familiar mental touch against his thoughts.  Being in Charles’ arms, Erik feels more at home than he has in months.  Maybe years.  Certainly since a cold day in Cuba.  _This can’t be real._

“I think I’m going to wake up soon,” he says, voice heavy.

Charles only holds him.

“And before I do, I want – no, I _need_ to tell you something…”  He pulls back so he can look Charles in the eye.  Charles seems as if he already knows what Erik has to say.  Some things will never change.

“I’m sorry.”  The words are like lead.  A heavy weight on his chest lifts ever so slightly.  Charles shakes his head.

“Don’t be.  Not for that.”  Hearing that voice again feels like a hole is being ripped in Erik’s heart.  A bullet-hole perhaps.  How fitting.

“Please, Charles, let me-”  His voice wavers.  His nerve is failing.  Cupping a freckled cheek in his hand, he swallows past the lump in his throat.

“I love you,” he says at last.  Erik has never spoken those words before, at least not to Charles.  He preferred to show it through tender kisses and slow, sensual lovemaking.  It was every day implied, never given voice.  “I love you and I always will, until the end of my days.”

Charles smiles again.  He leans forward and meets Erik’s lips with his own.  Even now, after all this time, the taller man is still amazed at how much electricity can be found in a simple kiss.  It lights a fire in him.  He grabs fistfuls of Charles’ shirt as the younger man parts his lips slightly.  Erik deepens the kiss.  He has not forgotten Charles’ mouth.  The taste of it.  Would never.  In a dream such as this, Erik realizes, they have no need to part for breath.  He could happily kiss Charles until the telepath is senseless, moaning helplessly.  But this time…

….

Erik wakes with a start.  He reaches out, half-expecting to find smooth skin beside him.  As if the last few years had been only a terrible hallucination.  But there is only grass.

He rises shakily to his feet.  Again.

The only movement he sees are the flowers, swaying gently with the breeze.

Each day it was the same.  But each day, he could’ve sworn he’d been able to hold Charles longer.  Perhaps it was a symptom of his getting older.  The apparition would appear longer and longer, until the day when, one way or the other, he would not awaken from the dream.

            _Alles ist gut._

_My friend._

_Well_ , Erik thinks _, if that’s the case, then so be it._

With his lips still tingling slightly, he makes his way back to the house.

~~~~~~~

 _"Did I say that I need you?_  
 _Did I say that I want you?_  
 _If I didn’t I’m a fool, you see_  
 _No one knows this more than me_  
 _And I come clean…_  
 _Nothing you would take_  
 _Everything you gave_  
 _Hold me ‘til I die_  
 _Meet you on the other side”_  
 **Just Breathe** \- Pearl Jam

**Author's Note:**

> My first Cherik story!
> 
> If you liked it, comment and let me know! Got a tumblr? If you want to, you can follow me [right here](http://roosterbox.tumblr.com/)!


End file.
